37th Column


So, with the Winter footy sports done and dusted across the country, we find ourselves in the yearly change over period of waiting for the Summer of cricket and the heat to get us back to the cool water, with a beverage or twenty, at our favourite swimming hole. 


As with all seasons, a wrap up is needed, and to put it bluntly, Mr Shane the headmaster of giving out marks to teams for the season performance will be harsh on some and maybe harsher on others. It will be short, sweet, and to the point; sort of like how I like my burgers and date nights. So, let’s kick things off:


Brisbane Broncos: They made me more embarrassed to wear the Bronx cap than my Wallabies gear, which has not been worn since the building of the Pyramids in Egypt. They caused more tears than the flood that washed the Ark down.


North Qld Cowboys: They more disappointing than a Seinfeld rerun. George and Jerry could have coached better than Todd Payten. They are still living off JT’s glory and will do so for another 200 years.


Gold Coast Titans: They were only thing in Queensland footy who were worth cheering for, because even our Origin team sucked. They will be changing their names next season to Fifita Titans.


Canterbury Bulldogs: They produced more let downs than a New Zealand Warriors’ footy team, with Shaun Johnson.


New Zealand Warriors: If NZ didn’t have the All Blacks, we wouldn’t know they existed. Redcliff will win a comp before them.


Canberra Raiders: The only thing green worth picking, excluding flowers. 


Parramatta Eels: The only aquatic animal I will eat but never get a photo with.


West Tigers: I’ve seen kittens with more roar than this mob, and that was at a Lion King show in South Africa.


Sydney Roosters: They haven’t woken up anyone early since Latrell left, and he left on a high, by taking people high. 


Cronulla Sharks: Instead of ‘Up, Up, Cronulla,’ their new song should be ‘Down, Down, Cronulla,’ because that’s all they have been doing in recent seasons.


Newcastle Knights: The biggest underachievers since we sent our Olympians to Tokyo, and that was in front of no crowds. 


South Sydney Rabbitohs: At least Bennett got them to the big dance, too bad they couldn’t dance. The other team wore sneakers to the disco, whereas the Bunnies wore gumboots.


Manly Sea Eagles: They had the best player in the comp. The only problem was that they relied on him too much. I’ve seen more effort at a Wiggles concert than what Cherry Evans gave us. A reminder to Manly fans – Turbo cannot do everything.


Melbourne Storms: Our favourite team to hate. Maybe Munster and the Cheese man should concentrate on scoring on the white line, rather than chasing, well you know the rest.

Penrith Panthers: The champions, who probably didn’t deserve it, purely based on everyone hating Nathan Cleary. They are an ugly bunch of players, but they have the rings, so they are still the kings. I just cannot get the idea in my head to like Cleary.

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